What is it to be sexually vulnerable in a relationship?
A strange question. Who wants to be sexually vulnerable? It implies being used, being abused, even being open to things that you just don't resonate with. Or going along with the current trends that are being normalised through online porn or movies. To feeling defenceless, weakness, being unprotected. To me, it doesn't mean that at all. Let's take a deeper look.
Bringing those two words together – sex and vulnerability seems scary. And it’s a bridge that many don’t want to cross. Especially for women, but also for men. In a way though, women are already sexually vulnerable just by their very physical nature.
But to put it into the context of a relationship, being sexually vulnerable means leaving aside the mind games we play to protect ourselves, to get love, to perform, or perhaps look a certain way to our partner.
A girlfriend called me in distress recently. She’d been enjoying a beautiful opening with her new man. But, in her own words, her history of relationships wasn’t great. She’d always get to a point where her fear of intimacy would get so engulfing for her, she’d end it or he would.
She knew her potential to ‘open up’. But they had started lovemaking when all of a sudden, her body contracted....
Behind every judgment, every criticism, every unloving act, every unloving word, is an unmet emotion.
Emotions are the silent killers in relationships. Emotions could be seen as the dark shadow that casts its spell on the land of our love.
They are the one thing that many of us are most inept at dealing with, the reason why we are left standing saying, 'Where has the love gone?'
I was 14 years old when I found myself in a huge school hall, watching a sex education film. I was sitting in profound and stunned silence when I realised that ‘that’ went into ‘that’ and by the way, how was that physically possible? I shuddered with fear and responsibility that I would have to ‘do’ this one day.
There was nothing spoken about pleasure, about love, about how magical our bodies actually are, about the profound mystery of creation and birth, or simply the potential for elevation and expression of love through our bodies.
For years I was tempted to avoid intimacy. Yet there was always something deeper inside me that knew that avoiding was not the answer. So I was always open to new ideas and new possibilities because there was nothing more than I wanted than a fulfilling, loving relationship.
Resonating with this?
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