One of the major challenges that women face in menopause and peri menopause is their desire for sex.
I had a call recently from a dear woman who has enjoyed a healthy and loving sex life for years with her husband. Now, in menopause, she was devastated as she said that sex was too painful.
It's reassuring to know for both partners that this is not uncommon. But also it doesn't have to be this way.
Last week it was my father's birthday. He would have been 91. It reminded me of the days before he passed in January 2015, when I would sit silently with him.
Watching his closed eyes, seeing him breathe in and out quietly and gently, while stroking his body or holding his hand, my eyes would moisten. I was so moved as I contemplated the pure love of this man I could proudly call my Dad.
One of the biggest complaints I hear from couples at The Making Love Retreat and from clients is that they are time poor.
‘We want to make love but we just don’t have the time.’ It is true that fulfilling lovemaking does require time. But when we do finally make love we are often in a hurry to get it over and done with, to get to the end, the goal, the orgasm.
Always striving towards something in a hurried way often means we are not really present. We are ahead of ourselves. Also if we don’t orgasm, with the downward release of energy, then we think it’s not really sex.
Women are in distress ...
Menopause can be a time of huge change for a woman. AND her love partner!
As the common symptoms intensify, women who have been so capable and successful in their career and mothering roles can find themselves floundering in the uncharted waters of uncontrollable emotion.
She can feel so tired that she becomes as irritable as a bear guarding her lair. And the rising heat of hot flushes at night...
Forgive me for the play on words here. Taken from Esther Perels' book Mating in Captivity, which speaks to the unnatural demand monogamy puts on couples.
Well, some couples prefer to be monogamous and if you are one of those, then you may have experienced once or twice the feeling of monotony come over your relationship, you, or the other. Or perhaps your original commitment has felt like entrapment.
I heard a beautiful woman today speak of her yearning for a great intimate relationship but said she felt like a ship out to sea with no rudder. I know this feeling.
She’d done so many workshops on sexuality and webinars and courses, and to my surprise, she still felt none of them gave her what she was wanting – a deep connection with herself and connection with her husband.
I hear this often ....
I was speaking with a client the other day, who was completely confused at what happened when she was dating a man she actually really liked. They had only been going out a short time – a few dates and they made love a couple of times. It was 'delicious' as she said. Her whole being wanted to be with him and she was looking forward to the next time.
‘Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies’
I love this quote by Nelson Mandela. What a man! …. to have endured such injustice and still have forgiveness in his heart.
It’s great to do a physical cleanse and really detoxify the body. And, how are we poisoning our bodies with emotions like resentment and bitterness? Many do not realise emotions such as these can create an enormous amount of toxicity and chemicals that can radically affect one’s health AND the health of any relationship.
Tension in a relationship can ...
Behind every judgment, every criticism, every unloving act, every unloving word, is an unmet emotion.
Emotions are the silent killers in relationships. Emotions could be seen as the dark shadow that casts its spell on the land of our love.
They are the one thing that many of us are most inept at dealing with, the reason why we are left standing saying, 'Where has the love gone?'
I was 14 years old when I found myself in a huge school hall, watching a sex education film. I was sitting in profound and stunned silence when I realised that ‘that’ went into ‘that’ and by the way, how was that physically possible? I shuddered with fear and responsibility that I would have to ‘do’ this one day.
There was nothing spoken about pleasure, about love, about how magical our bodies actually are, about the profound mystery of creation and birth, or simply the potential for elevation and expression of love through our bodies.
Resonating with this?
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