One of the biggest complaints I hear from couples at The Making Love Retreat and from clients is that they are time poor.
‘We want to make love but we just don’t have the time.’ It is true that fulfilling lovemaking does require time. But when we do finally make love we are often in a hurry to get it over and done with, to get to the end, the goal, the orgasm.
Always striving towards something in a hurried way often means we are not really present. We are ahead of ourselves. Also if we don’t orgasm, with the downward release of energy, then we think it’s not really sex.
Women are in distress ...
I've been contemplating the idea of Dynamic Stillness in relation to making love lately.
To me Dynamic equals life force.
Stillness equals power as it's in the deep inner space of our being that power resides.
So Powerful Life Force is what we are talking about.
How to be dynamically still in your life and whilst making love?
It seems like a contradiction. Surely you have to move for something to be dynamic? For it to be fun, to be interesting?
The use of Pornography must be one of the most polarising subjects around when it comes to sexuality and relationships.
Shrouded in secrecy, both women and men, silent for their own reasons - men for their shame and guilt. (Men more commonly use Pornography more than women)
And women, for their feelings of betrayal and shame that they are 'not enough' for their husband, who has to resort to porn to satisfy him.
A sense of failure prevails for both. Deep wounding is triggered and is created fresh in the moment, as each click drives another relationship to the wall.
(Please note some aspects of this post may offend)
Menopause can be a time of huge change for a woman. AND her love partner!
As the common symptoms intensify, women who have been so capable and successful in their career and mothering roles can find themselves floundering in the uncharted waters of uncontrollable emotion.
She can feel so tired that she becomes as irritable as a bear guarding her lair. And the rising heat of hot flushes at night...
I heard a beautiful woman today speak of her yearning for a great intimate relationship but said she felt like a ship out to sea with no rudder. I know this feeling.
She’d done so many workshops on sexuality and webinars and courses, and to my surprise, she still felt none of them gave her what she was wanting – a deep connection with herself and connection with her husband.
I hear this often ....
I was speaking with a client the other day, who was completely confused at what happened when she was dating a man she actually really liked. They had only been going out a short time – a few dates and they made love a couple of times. It was 'delicious' as she said. Her whole being wanted to be with him and she was looking forward to the next time.
When Michelangelo was asked 'How did he create the David?', he said, "The form is already there, I just take away what it is not."
I spent time with my grandchild the other day. I wonder at who she will be in twenty years time. How will life mould her.
She reminds me of how we are born as a pure expression of love and innocence and then as we grow older, we seem to develop ways of hiding away this love, as protection or survival.
I wonder that our purpose is to be the loving sculptor, to remember this love and find ways to allow what isn't love to fall away, to let down our guard, to reveal who we really are.
What is it to be sexually vulnerable in a relationship?
A strange question. Who wants to be sexually vulnerable? It implies being used, being abused, even being open to things that you just don't resonate with. Or going along with the current trends that are being normalised through online porn or movies. To feeling defenceless, weakness, being unprotected. To me, it doesn't mean that at all. Let's take a deeper look.
Bringing those two words together – sex and vulnerability seems scary. And it’s a bridge that many don’t want to cross. Especially for women, but also for men. In a way though, women are already sexually vulnerable just by their very physical nature.
But to put it into the context of a relationship, being sexually vulnerable means leaving aside the mind games we play to protect ourselves, to get love, to perform, or perhaps look a certain way to our partner.
A girlfriend called me in distress recently. She’d been enjoying a beautiful opening with her new man. But, in her own words, her history of relationships wasn’t great. She’d always get to a point where her fear of intimacy would get so engulfing for her, she’d end it or he would.
She knew her potential to ‘open up’. But they had started lovemaking when all of a sudden, her body contracted....
Behind every judgment, every criticism, every unloving act, every unloving word, is an unmet emotion.
Emotions are the silent killers in relationships. Emotions could be seen as the dark shadow that casts its spell on the land of our love.
They are the one thing that many of us are most inept at dealing with, the reason why we are left standing saying, 'Where has the love gone?'
Resonating with this?
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