For years I have written about women closing down sexually. I'm kind of known for it.
But the thing is that men close down too. We all do - it is not necessarily gender specific.
It's just that men usually have naturally high testosterone, rising by 800% in a boy's teens, which makes him highly sexually driven, also give that it is his dymanic pole, in a Tantric sense.
Testosterone can remain high until his 50's - 60's and still quite a reasonable level into his 70's, as long as he is healthy.
But some men find that they have absolutley no drive for sex and no erection at all, even at younger ages - 30's - 40's. And the heart breaking thing is - like women, is that they don't want to be closed....
There's an acceleration of consciousness sweeping the planet right now. Can you feel that?
Things that were 'fringe' 30 years ago are now mainstream.
Conversations that were behind closed doors are now open and in the nightly news - abuse, depression, anxiety, sex offenders and narcissistic leaders being called out etc etc.
The world is now wanting authenticity. Not a glossed version of 'I have it all together' - it's about realness.
There's one real conversation that I am glad is being had now too and it's about another change - 'the' change - yes the change women go through anywhere from their late 30's, 40's, 50's. Menopause, peri-menopause.
There's nothing more real than your body changing unexpectedly or even gradually - looking down at it and seeing what once was up is now down!
It is surely a complex world we live in.
There's a new Australian 4 part series on SBS on Thursday night called The Hunting, which has prompted this post as I saw the first episode last Thursday evening. Woh... It's a chilling reminder of what our teenagers are currently faced with in teenage sex and relationships and demands the viewer to see things from every angle. What is 'normalised'...
We live in interesting times ...
I remember the early 90's, sitting in the Lyric Theatre in Brisbane, when the evocative Canadian Celtic singer, Loreena McKennit walked on stage. She had two sets of gigantuan candelabras either side of the stage, topped with huge thick candles, alighting the space with dramatic overtones. She walked in with her long golden hair and sat at her massive sculptural masterpiece of a harp. I felt transported to a heavenly realm and moved to tears by her mesmerising music and haunting vocals, and then... she began to speak.
"Tomorrow is a big day," she said. "The World Wide Web will open. It's the day that is going to change the world." She seemed to know what it would mean.
A reading from Tantric Sex and Menopause.
EMBODIMENT: From Womb Wilderness to Womb Wildness
Many women have little to no awareness of the womb, this miraculous life giving uterus with its capactiy to hold space for an embryo. It is said for it's size, it is pound for pound the strongest muscle in the female body. A small facinating organ tucked up safetly in the pelvis.
Do you have a relationship that challenges you or a situation you find difficult? The holiday season sure brings them all up doesn't it? Well I have an all time tip - it's the source, the secret to transforming your experience when it comes to the hard stuff.
It's about the body - and no! I am not giving you dietary advice or to tell you to exercise more.
As the years have gone on, there's one distinction that has become clearer and clearer to me around this crazy thing called Love.
And that is the pathway to sexual intimacy, well at least one with depth and sweetness - is through emotional intimacy and connection.
And by emotional intimacy, I don't mean becoming highly emotional and then making love to 'make it better'. I mean tender, heart connected, verbal and non-verbal,...
What is it to be sexually vulnerable in a relationship?
A strange question. Who wants to be sexually vulnerable? It implies being used, being abused, even being open to things that you just don't resonate with. Or going along with the current trends that are being normalised through online porn or movies. To feeling defenceless, weakness, being unprotected. To me, it doesn't mean that at all. Let's take a deeper look.
Bringing those two words together – sex and vulnerability seems scary. And it’s a bridge that many don’t want to cross. Especially for women, but also for men. In a way though, women are already sexually vulnerable just by their very physical nature.
But to put it into the context of a relationship, being sexually vulnerable means leaving aside the mind games we play to protect ourselves, to get love, to perform, or perhaps look a certain way to our partner.
A girlfriend called me in distress recently. She’d been enjoying a beautiful opening with her new man. But, in her own words, her history of relationships wasn’t great. She’d always get to a point where her fear of intimacy would get so engulfing for her, she’d end it or he would.
She knew her potential to ‘open up’. But they had started lovemaking when all of a sudden, her body contracted....
Resonating with this?
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