Holidays are traditionally a time that can be filled with good cheer and blessings, but sometimes it can also be a time of stress as the tensions of a relationship show up more clearly. Time spent being ‘busy’ through the year can sometimes be a way to avoid some deeper issues in a relationship, and in particular, the health of the sexual relating. There’s a common joke that men can never get enough and women are not available enough. We joke about it but for a couple who love each other, it’s really not funny at all…
Generally, for women, sex is over too quickly …it doesn’t really fulfill her and she may end up trying to avoid it altogether and for men it doesn’t happen often enough and that’s not fulfilling either. We come to accept this as normal but in society, we have moved so far from our original natures that we accept unloving and unsatisfying sex as part and parcel of a marriage or relationship.
So what makes true fulfilling lovemaking so elusive for otherwise intelligent and loving couples? In general, we have adopted a more yang approach to sex – goal oriented, fast and with more and more sensation, thus, over too quickly. This makes men and women become slightly goal oriented, sensation oriented, which sometimes inhibits expansion and love. We are surrounded by so many erotic images in the media – the atmosphere is literally charged with it and this imagery has become the fuel for sex. Consequently we engage in sex through our thinking rather than the heart or being truly present in the body.
The answer lies in humans having more loving sex … sex that actually honours the differences between both men and women. Both would greatly benefit, emotionally and physically, by taking more time for making love and relaxing into the experience rather than building tension through more and more sensation. It sounds strange as it goes against what we have come to know sex as.
By relaxing more and taking time, a woman really gets to feel herself as more feminine, and a man feels a relief that he does not have to ‘do so much’ in sex. And this then solves both problems … a woman feels so nourished that she is more open to making love more often and a man becomes more relaxed and less needy or demanding and is less likely to start and finish too soon.
The term ‘making love’ actually means that …. creating love. When a couple makes love more consciously, it’s like a love field is created around them. People feel it. What a wonderful way to create a loving space for your family and to have a truly relaxing holiday!
As originally published in Holistic Bliss magazine
To find out more about this approach to love and intimacy, go to The Making Love Retreat.
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